Near-the-End Days

This must be the end.
I could count the breaths.
Each breath is such work,
but not from congestion; just an old pump
that keeps on pumping, fainter, fainter,
out-breath, in-breath, mouth open,
head to the side, cheek in the pillow.
Finger nails painted red by loving Jana
to cheer these near-the-end days.

***

Mom

You can close your eyes
any time you choose,
our love goes on forever
you shall never die.

***

The pupils of your eyes are brown,
the irises around them silvery-gray-blue;
when your eyes are closed in almost-sleep
only the silvery-gray shows
and they look glazed like a blind person’s.

Your hand still reaches toward your face
to touch – scalp, cheek, mouth, ear;
we cleaned the front teeth
where you put a finger nail to pick;
we put a tiny bit of water in your mouth,
vaseline on your lips, cold cream
on your cheeks. Your eyes open now.
The breath goes on by itself; the hand
keeps reaching toward the face;
the eyes stay open as long as they can;
then the lids close; then something
opens them again. Once I hummed
“This land is your land” and you lifted
a hand to conduct as you used to,
but so gently now, just at the wrist;
so you still understand, but there’s
no energy left – in the throat for words,
in the face for smiles, in the lips for kisses;
now you’ve closed your eyes.

***

It’s Spring, beautiful blossomings:
trees and flowers you loved best;
but this time it’s different, this time
there’s no way to get strength back.
Could we bring you to the garden
in a wheelchair, under blankets,
to see it, breathe it, one last time?
Enough! enough! enough!
Go to the ground to nourish
the flowers and be born again;
let the cherry blossoms cover you;
let us give you to the earth.

***

Let go, let go, let go the last breath;
but the breath does not come from us,
from something we control;
the breath and the out-looking of the eyes,
that’s on its own, that has its own time;
that is time.

***

Julia is a daffodil,
Julia is a tree,
Julia is a pumpkin
Just like you or me.

Julia lived with kindness,
never hurt a soul,
now we gather round her
and we become whole.

Mom

You can close your eyes
any time you choose,
your love goes on forever
you shall never die.